It's been months since I've posted on here....I'm goin to start again soon....

I cannot say that I, myself, have not changed. But I would like to say for the better. I'm letting my life to be guided by God and not let things bring me down. Sure things come but I will face them and with the guidance of my savior I will pull through. Many hate me because they think I dont care and I dont seem to be brought down with the situations but why should I worry? I know that they have to be solved and they will be its just will take time.



I've seen many stray away from how they used to be. Seen many change from a beautiful person on the inside to a dark and damp soul. Many point fingers to everyone else blaming them for how they are but have you ever pointed to yourself? You and you alone can determine how you will be. Many things can affect you but you can go and stay away from things that do. Friends, family, school, church, music ect....they all can have an impact on you good or bad. Friends - they have an impact on everyone's life. They can alter your life so much and you wont even notice. Also watch yourself and watch how you act. You might do bad things because its fun, you dont want your friend to be mad at you, you want to be cool, ect. In the end you end up suffering and in trouble and your friend? No where in sight. Your friends tell you to enjoy life...."life is short" is what they say. It's true thats its short but doing bad things will only make them shorter. Drinking and doing drugs at a the teen ages will only make you stupid. Many dont want to admit it but they see that they are not capable of doing things they used to mentally. Eventually most dropout of school. Hey it might be fun at the moment but the price you pay for it is not worth it. Family - they have a maor impact on each and every one of us. Also because if friends families can fall apart. Girls leave for their boyfriends.....Guys leave for their friends. Church - believe it or not the church can also bring people down. People that see the church and see the lies people tell one another and see the chruch fall apart is hard for them. Many lose faith but you should not put your faith to man for we are not perfect. As in the bible it says that even in the church the wolf lurks. Music - most of the music nowadays talks about sex, drugs, women, suicide, killing other people and partying and drinking. ....This is enough for now later I will post more.....

Well much has gone through my mind....I think its best for me to leave to Iraq.....despite the thoughts of others. They will do fine without me here. I mostly dont talk to most of them so it wont be much of a change. I will miss them of course....I will slowly fade from their lives....I'm grateful for everyone I've met. For they all shaped me the person I am now. All have had an effect on my life great or small. For that.....thank you. My parents......have guided me through life and will continue until its their time. My mom....bless her heart.....has been through hell for my sister and me. My stepdad or my dad.....even though I was not the perfect son he stayed there by my moms side and helped me be the guy I am. Thank you both. I don't say much but I should...I love you both very much. My sister.....I tried to protect you the best I could and will continue to do so as long as I live. You mean so much to me......I never show it but I know that you know. Remember that for as long I am on this earth I will always be ready to help you in your need. To my friends...thank you for everything.....for the advice.....for the troubles......for the good times.....for the bad times.....for showing me and helping me understand many different things. To everyone that has put me down or has made me feel low.....thank you.....without those experiences I would not understand many things and I would not be able to helps other in need. Many tell me I'm young and that I should enjoy life....which is true but with what I've seen and been through....I never had a childhood so I didnt have the luxury of that and so I think more like an adult. I'm different.....hated by many because I am.....because I dont do the same things as them but I'm happy for the person I am. And of course I want to thank my savior....my Lord Jesus Christ.......with all the trials that I have been put through.......he has given me strength and guidance.......for letting a 3 lbs 7 month old baby live and not having any birth defects........thank you........guide me Lord........

Our Father who art in heaven
hallowed be thy name
Thy kingdom come thy will be done
on earth as it is in heaven
i can, i can call on you
i know that youll hear me
i can , i can call on you
i know that youll answer
you didnt know what to do came home from after school
mom and dad said they were through
now pretty soon was gonna have to move
shut the door went inside his room
layed on the floor and he cried to you
saying jesus please help me through
right now i just feel so confused
dont know what im suposed to do
but i need to be close to you
help me with what im goin through cuz i know that your here when im callin you
everythings just fallin through
but aint nuttin too hard for you
so plesae come when i call to you
cuz all that i have is all in you
and thats why
i can, i can call on you
i know that youll hear me
i can, i can call on you
i know that youll answer
i can, i can call on you i know that youll hear me i can, i can call on you(i can call on you)
i know that youll answer
she didnt knwo what to say she got the phone call and it was late
it was a hit and run jus on the free way
and her son got hurt and was in bad shape
tears ran down her face
as her mind began to race
didnt knwo what to do what move to make
so she called up to you and began to pray
jesus she began to say i need you in a major way
my son might die today im so confused please provide a way
please now just give me strength
please just help me face everything thats about to come my way
in you i trust and put my faith thats why (thats why)
i can, i can call on you
i knwo that you hear me
i can, i can call on you
i know that you answer(i know that youll answer)
i can i can call on you (i can call on you)
i know that you hear me
i can i can call on you i know that you answer (i know that you answer)
so what
i wanna say tonight n e thing you face in life
when yoru mind is filled with strife
you can always find strength in christ
even times when the money is tight even times when nothin is right
dont worry bout nothin in life call him and thats my advice
and thats why thats why thats why (thats why)
(praying)
(i need you)
(i can call on you)
i can i can call on you
i knwo that you hear me
i can i can call on you i know that you answer i know that you answer
i can i can call on you i can call on you
i know that you answer
(kids praying)

I walk to the edge again, searching for the truth
Taken by the memories of all that i've been
ThroughIf i could hear your voice i know that i would be
OkayI know that i've been wrong but i'm begging you
To stay, won't you stay
Will you be here for will i be alone, will i be
Scared, you'll teach me how to be strong and if i
Fall down will you help me carry on, i cannot do
This alone


Can I trust anyone? Everyone just abandons me....but why do I care? My worst abandonment was by my father..shouldnt I be used to it? I guess thats why I cant wait till I leave for Iraq. Everyone says "I love you" and they stop talking to me. What the hell...stop telling me the lies...if you dont want to talk to me tell me. No1 really cares about me....all they want from me is to listen to them and if not for money if not then they have nothing to do with me. I like to help people...it's what I do but if thats the only reason then why come to me? Go to your friends...ay...Dios.....help me.....let me not fall to this state again..........I cannot not allow it......not again........give me strength........guide me...........

well as many know I joined the Army. I got my military ID and my uniform in the past weeks. Some things have happen over the week that I didn't want to happen but I will respect their wishes. Tomorrow I have invitationals for Academic Decathlon and that will be an interesting day. Will we be the top school in our area? Of course....with the talent we have we can reach many goals. All I ask is for God to guide me through the trials and to give me strength.

Well this weekend was pretty good. Had early release Thurs. and saw some ignorant people fight after school. After that was done went to the store and went back to the school and hung out in the rotc room. Friday was my day off for me. I just had a quiet day at home and actually slept 8 hrs plus more. Saturday went to the Sunset football game but it was not a good game so left before half time. Today had another color guard for an opening of a new school and then we all went out to eat. This week will be a good one for me. Tomorrow I have the test for enlistment to the Army and later on the week I'm going to be blessed with another year of life. Also I'm going to see kutless and disciple in concert which will be cool. Many at school are still wondering if Jerrica and I will get back together....and so far it seems like a no. But who knows..we might...its all up to God and what he has planned. My mom will go with me tomorrow so God help me and guide me and whatever happens let it be your will.